I knew it

See? What did I tell myself?? It didn't last, as usual. Why don't I just wait? Honestly, I should have known...! *dances around a bit* :D

Hmm.

Things I thought were going to go right aren't going right after all... I'm so confused. Why am I always like this? Why do I let it get to me?? IT DOESN'T MATTER. Like it was gonna go right anyway. I'm so paranoid about everything... I need something to occupy me. The world doesn't revolve around this one thing... yet it seems to when I'm just sat here, bored out of my head. I should know better; it always happens... I know the signs. But it'll pass. Might be different tomorrow... or maybe not. But probably.

I can't breathe.

Erm...

I cycled into town today, and I went into a cool little shop/cafe called The Mustard Seed (sells fairtrade stuff & purdy carved African thingummys) which joins onto the church hall, where I used to go to a youth club type thingy. Anyway, I was browsing round and bought some odds and ends, but as I turned to leave, the old guy behing the counter said "Don't I know you from somewhere?" and I was like, "Doh!!" you see, this always happens; people who recognise me from when I was little jump out at me and ask me annoying questions like "What are you doing with your life?" Anyway, this guy rambled on at me about his plans to make improvements to the shop and cafe, and asked me about uni etc, so I said "Well, I've just completed an art course, but really I'd like to be a musician," at which point two middle aged, churchy type women appeared, and the old guy said: "This is Amelia! She was one of the grubs!!" (I think he was referring to when I went to the youth club, but grub?? WTF?!) Anyway, the woman asked me what instruments I play, and I said "Well, I play guitar, violin, and just bought a mandolin." They then asked me what style I played, and I said "Er, folky type stuff," to which they seemed slightly baffled about. Then one woman left, and another younger woman arrived from the kitchen - she was probably about 30 ish - and the middle aged woman said "This is Amelia! She plays the blah blah etc," at which point the younger woman leapt on me and hugged me, and said "Ooh! Musicians are like gold dust to us!!" to which I said, "Er...?" She then went on to tell me about her plans for some kind of musical youth club for older kids, where they could meet and "play rock music, and not rock music!" (her words...) Anyway, I'm not exactly sure what she was asking me to do... I was a little distracted by her teeth (They were huge. Nice, but huge. She was one of those jolly, teethy, boggly eyed church types. She randomly looked like Michaela Strachan.) Anyway, I think the idea was that she wanted me to help run it, along with some students from Lancaster Uni who they'd already roped into helping. And for some reason I gave them my phone number - I just wanted to get away!! Anyhoo, I'm not sure exactly what I agreed to in the end... Oh well. Might be fun... *ulp*

On a different note: I have a tan!! For the first time in my life I'm actually not see-through! I look almost healthy... *jigs for joy*

Ooh, and I logged on to DeviantArt today, and found that I'd been randomly given a week free subscription! Weyyyyy!! Basically, that means bigger thumbnail viewing, erm... more advanced journal stuff... umm... hmm. Well, that's all actually, but it's FREE!!! Woo! Check out my DA site for lots of luvverly pictures:

www.silverlode.deviantart.com

Yay!

Woohoo!!! *boogies*

Hair cut!!!

WAH! Went to the hairdressers for a trim today, but my hair seems really short now!! Ok, so it's nothing drastic - was only a couple of inches - but it still feels weird! My head feels much lighter too...

Snufkin

*sigh* I want to marry Snufkin...

Song of the Moment...

'Anticlimax' by Kat Flint

Shall we kiss on the lips, or will I say that I'm sorry?
That on any other day of the week I would've asked you back?
But tonight I'm a mess, and I'm afraid that you'll worry,
And it seems so easy to tell myself that, tell myself that, tell myself thats true...
But I hope its fooling you.

I tried to decide to be good when I'm lonely,
But do do do do do do do do do do I care?
When this day is full of things that bring out the worst in me,
And were both aware I cant help but stare, but stare at you, cant help but stare at you...
And all I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored and to grow wise,
But you're so, you're so, beautiful tonight.

As stories go, I dont know, I could be your anticlimax.
I could disappoint you slowly but surely,
And you wont know 'til you try, til you dare to waste your time
If I could be the anticlimax of your life.

So can we sit side by side and talk about nothing?
Well any excuse is all that I want right now,
And I'm charmed and entertained by all of the strangest things,
Hey, you are one, so do your worst, just kiss me first, then do your worst to me...
Cos all I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored and to grow wise,
But you're so, you're so, beautiful tonight.

As stories go, I dont know, I could be your anticlimax.
I could disappoint you slowly but surely,
And you wont know til you try, til you dare to waste your time
If I could be the anticlimax of your life.

As stories go, I dont know, I could be your happy ending
Im a long shot at the best of times, but then
You never know, stay and see, hey you might be waiting for me,
And stranger things have happened at sea, happened at sea, happened at sea...

All I need is time
To grow up, to grow bored and to grow wise,
But you're so, you're so, beautiful tonight.


(Lyrics copyright to Kat Flint)

~ Look her up in my MySpace friends!!

"FizzyGood! FizzyGoodMakeFeelNice!!"

"You may feel as if you are at the end of your rope today. You have struggled long enough and you want results now. Although your ideal payoff may still seem too far away, a little patience will go a long way, for there could be a shift toward the end of the day that brings you closer to your goals. Just remember that confusion can add discouragement to the picture, but it will quickly fade once you stop trying to push it away."

Horsey!!

"People may come to you for advice today, but the good news is that you don't need to have all the answers. Asking thoughtful questions can be helpful enough, for you truly support others when you guide them to find the truth for themselves. Presenting issues in an open-ended manner permits you to have input without appearing to control the process too much."

New-ness...

Woooo!!

Just upgraded my mobile to a motorola razr! Yay! AND changed my contract to one that's half the price. Go me!! *boogies*

*runs for the hills*

I made a decision - I'm moving away as soon as I can afford it... I was never planning to stay here all my life by any means, but something really scared me the other day: you see, my Gran is leaving us (me, bro, dad) her bungalow and i thought, okay, we can sell it and split it between me, my dad & my bro (not that I'm hoping that time will be any time soon, but you have to think about these things sometimes) ...anyway, I visited her the other day, and she was talking about some pieces of china & stuff in a box under the bed, and she said "They're yours one day" (hmm...) but then she said "Though, you'll be here anyway one day so u could just leave them in where they are." I was like WTF?!?!?! *SIRENS BLARING IN THE HEAD* I had NO intention of living there, like, ever... it hadn't even crossed my mind to be honest...! It just made me panic at the thought. I just think if I don't leave soon then I never will... (isn't that a song?! LOL!)

And another thing: now I'm running my Ebay shop through my Dad's business (which consists of three people, including me, lol!) it feels like I'm trapped... I know my dad wouldn't care if I said I dont want to (although it'll benefit me for a while, cos I can borrow money off the company to buy stuff to sell on ebay, instead of getting a loan from the bank. I still have to pay it back with interest, obviously... But its no way a permanent thing - not in my head anyway - and my dad knows I feel that way.) The thing is, I just suddenly realised I'm terrified of being tied down... even with something this small! I can opt out of it any time I want (and I would straightaway if it wasn't for the money...) but it TERRIFIED me!! Even though it's a safety net, it kinda felt like I didn't want one..... does that make sense? Hmm, maybe I'll think twice about being part of it... I haven't signed the papers yet, so it's not final or anything. I think it's the idea of commitment, however small... Mind you, I'm useless when it comes to ANY kind of commitment, so I think that's why I'm freaking out a bit. It feels like there are more and more things holding me back, even if they're in fact meant to help me; it feels like threads of cotton tied round my wrists, which are really thin but there nonetheless, and just about strong enough to keep me from moving forward any time soon...*sigh*

Besides, my official role would be 'company director,' which doesn't really suit the whole 'travelling folk musician' image methinks...! LOL!!

1am - now I be off to bed... *yawn*

"Your biggest dreams seem quite close today, no matter how unrealistic. You may feel like you can reach out and touch them. Your friends will encourage you now and tell you to go for it. However, all of a sudden, you could snap out of it and fall back to Earth, realizing that your head was in the clouds. You have a choice in front of you: let your idle wanderings remain fantasies or start making them real."

Tum te tum...

"Today you are capable of projecting your most eccentric, yet loveable, side as long as you remember that you don't really know everything about everything. Without even trying, you can be endearingly odd while you're being brilliant. Watch out if you are looking to gain power or trying to control a situation; your cleverness can backfire and you'll wish you didn't say anything at all. But if you can just be yourself, you stand to have a day filled with one unique experience after another."

Sounds promising.....

Song of the Moment...

'Day Has Come' by Show of Hands

Day has come,
I pull the curtains and shake my head,
A dream remains though the dark has fled,
It weaves the room like spider thread,
Spaces talk and shadows smile,
They call me from my sleepy bed,
When day has come.

Day has come,
The dawn has brought a silent guest,
Who woke in sleep and now won't rest,
A midnight friend the night has left,
Not close enough to hold or touch,
I feel a sigh,
I hear a breath,
When day has come.

Day has come,
Still my twilight friend is near,
She gently whispers in my ear,
Words that only I can hear,
She stands just where the mirror ends,
I'm staring but the glass stays clear,
When day has come.

Day has come,
The morning calls me on my way,
I'm walking through the early grey,
The steps beside me fade away,
I never want to sleep again,
If waking brings such pain,
When day has come.

I never want to sleep again,
If waking brings such pain,
When day has come.


(Lyrics copyright to Steve Knightley)

Woo!!

Woo, my first blog!!
Ahh, this seems like a friendly kinda place! Nice colour too, yesh. Er, anyhoo... for now I'm going to use this for my daily MySpace horoscope (okay, so I'm a loser) and see whether it's true in any way. Yes, I really am that bored.

Oh, and I'll post a piece of my artwork each day too; like the one up there *points upwards*

And maybe some other stuff too...

Here goes:

"Uranus, your key planet, is activated today by charming Venus, so lightning can strike suddenly in the arena of love and romance. New attractions can set a whole new set of circumstances into motion. Since Venus is also symbolic of money, financial issues, too, can be activated by this transit. You are advised to keep your wallet in your pocket, unless you've determined in advance what you are willing to spend."

Well that hasn't happened so far. Though it is only 1.30pm.
As for money; I was thinking of nipping to the shops this afternoon... maybe I'll give it a miss.

What a pointless post that was.